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the fun we had

I plainly suck. This is not as much an expression of my depressive mood as my entire life-style. It's always been like that: I (try to) teach people backgammon and, whoops, three rounds later I don't stand a chance anymore. The only game I'm any good at is Abalone, and no one wants to play that with me (the remotely similar game Einfach Genial is also nice).

In real life it's similar; maybe the idea of becoming a teacher wasn't that bad (but then my pedagogic ambitions were never really intentional) - example: after a long-term relationship of exploring unix together and doing other stuff, $girlfriend takes a job the most highly famed bofh temple around and finally dumps me (these are, of course, in no way related events and it's entirely my fault I am a lazy sod. Still it's hard to live through, particularly since, of course, in true Helen style, she hasn't remained single long enough to knit another BSD Daemon ...) But I know I am ranting, I hope I am healing, I'd say I am better off writing disgraceful webpages than not; of course the real improvement would be to embark on something useful, worthwhile providing job fulfilment like, oh, LISA larting. Enter depression.